Bodybuilding: The vampire conspiracy

Greetings All,

I am suddenly discovering how becoming a bodybuilder is like becoming a vampire.  Let’s compare a few parallels:

1.       Questionable diet

2.       Insatiable hunger

3.       Changes in appearance

4.       Obsessive behavior

5.       Painful transition

6.       Veiny skin

7.       Small community of acceptance

    All these things seem a little too coincidental.  Vampire do seem to consume a very high about of protein (albeit in liquid form) just like a bodybuilder. Most vampires I see in movies or on TV are jacked.  Even Pro-tan makes it so bodybuilders and vampires alike don’t have to go out in the sun.  Vampires and bodybuilders have very odd sleep habits.  And just like becoming a bodybuilder, it’s a very painful transition to become a vampire. 

    I can speak from early experience the way people start to treat you differently feels more like being a member of the undead than a fledgling fitness enthusiast.  Also, Bodybuilders (like vampires) seem to be a close knit group with very little acceptance by the outside world.  Of course there are differences.  Vampires get a stake while bodybuilders get a steak.  And how would it be if bodybuilders could not see their own reflection in a mirror.

    In any case, my daily pattern could be described as being similar to the undead:  Train to the point of death, sleep as if dead, wake with an inhuman hunger, and feed on the living (I am an I.T. guy after all).

Super-Jerry

Yoda: the personal trainer

Greetings All,

    So we have been stepping into the area of heavy lifting.  The lightweight stuff is over.  I am trying to learn all the stuff that goes with bodybuilding, but it's like trying to learn to be a jedi.  My trainer is even spouting out Yoda-like phrases.  I tell him I'll try to lift the weight he puts on the bar and I get "Try not!  Lift, or lift not!  There is no try."  In some cases where my knowledge is incorrect, I must "unlearn what I have learned."  Yoda should have just had Luke lift another really heavy boulder after he couldn't lift the ship.  Then it would just have been a drop-set.   I never once heard Yoda say "C'mon Luke!  Rep it out you must!"
    I wonder if having Jedi's as trainers would even be a good thing at all.  I can just see pumping out some weight that is comfortable and having the jedi master trainer make some cryptic hand gesture and the weight is suddenly 3 times heavier.  Motivation techniques might be a little different with that sneaky little jedi mind trick.  Cardio with lightsabers could be really cool though.  And then you could get a droid to do rub-downs and stretching.  Of course the Sith would never go drug free.
    All I know is that after my latest workout,  my midichlorians are totally spent!


Super-Jerry
  

Mr. Klingon Empire vs. Mr. United Federation of Planets

Greetings all,

    Here a good one to ponder:  Would bodybuilding be more popular in the Federation or the Klingon Empire?  This is a tough one to call for me.  I think that the Klingons would respect the discipline and will power needed to be a competitive bodybuilder, but their pre-judging might be a little messy because they would probably favor tearing the limbs from their competitors.  Also, posing might require an element of hand to hand combat.  Maybe that’s how the IFBB should award pro-cards:  Last competitor left alive at the Nationals gets to go pro.

    When it comes to Bodybuilding in the Federation on the other hand, they might simply not get it.  I never seem to see anyone in the Federation actually just do something just because they want to do it.  Everything they do always seems to have to have lofty altruistic motives.  Doing something for yourself, just because you want to, seems like it would be a totally alien concept (no pun intended).  Now if dieting and working out to extremes was somehow going to save some far off planet with pig-nosed people, they’d be all over it!  But I doubt it would enter the mind of the winner of the Mr. United Federation of Planets contest screaming out “Yeah bitches!!”  He’d probably get vaporized by a phaser from the Romulan judges.

Super-Jerry

Training begins

Greetings all,

    I was reading some bio’s of popular bodybuilders recently and they always seem to start the same:  “I was very athletic as a child...” Or “I started training for football…” I want to read the bio that says “I was a total dork who got the shit kicked out of me all the time, so I put 6 inches on my biceps and broke the slime’s jaw.” 

    The trainer I have hired to help me on this made quest seems to be pretty awesome.  I have even talked him into so geeky pursuits like superhero costuming.  In the weeks to come, I will start documenting my training and dieting.  This all so new,  it should be interesting to see how things progress.  Plus if I drop dead from over exertion, at least there will be a record of my demise. We shall see where the road takes us.

Super-Jerry

The Journey Begins

Greetings All,

    I thought the most logical place to start this blog would be with a little background:

    I was reminded recently of a friend of a friend that was a true nerd.  He loved Star Trek; talked about things in terms of bandwidth; dressed up for the Ren-Fest; and was completely into video games.  He was very much out of shape though (a common malady among my kind).  He decided it was time to get in shape.  His trainer saw potential in him and pushed him in the direction of bodybuilding.  Sounds great right?  Well the problem was that as he got further and further into the muscle pumping world, the more distant he got with his nerd world friends.  He began to act self absorbed and became even a little condescending to his former friends.  He was now too cool to go to any geek events anymore.  Eventually he never spoke to any of his nerd crew at all.  I never knew this person as anything more than a casual acquaintance, but it seemed somewhat slimy to me that someone would cut off loyal friends just because their interests had changed. 

    I am a true nerd myself.  I love Star Wars; I grieved for months when Firefly was cancelled, and I have a DVD of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn signed by William Shatner AND Ricardo Montalban.  I also pride myself on my objectivity.  After hearing that story I began to ask myself, “Can a person co-exist in both the bodybuilding world and the nerd/geek world simultaneously?” 

    I think of stories of people like Henry Rollins who was a geek in high school until a benevolent coach trained him in the ways of muscle building.  I never heard if he retained any of his geek presence and judging by his public persona (which I know is not a very objective analysis) he didn’t.  What about the old Charles Atlas ads?  The ones where the skinny dork gets sand kicked in his face by some muscle-bound bully.  According to the ads, the skinny guys works out, gets muscular and beats down the bully.  They never show if the newly muscular guy still has dorky interests.  Would the girls be so mesmerized by his muscles that they don’t care that all he talks about is Boba Fhet and whether Han Solo is a model for Captain Malcolm Reynolds? 

    So with all these mysteries in mind, I am going to take a hesitant quest through the world of bodybuilding.  I will set aside any preconceived notions about bodybuilders I have and try to learn about their world as much as I can.  I will chronicle my quest in this blog and try to measure my experiences in both worlds.  Hopefully I can combine the best of both worlds and achieve the status of true Muscle Nerd without having to take the ship to Valendor. 

Super Jerry

04-02-12